I has a sad

So, aside from the devastation caused by the contents of my last post... before that... my whole life... I've suffered from S.A.D.- the very aptly named Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Which means that for the months of December through April, I look something like this:

It's rough.... like, really rough.  I know that lots of folks get "the winter blues" and are fairly moody in February and March, but this is more, and it's a real disorder, okay?  I'm allowed to be a miserable bitch because I'm actually sick.

This year has been harder than most (and I just discovered that it's a side effect of a drug my doctor prescribed for me... so... yay!) and I've been a sobbing hysterical mess most of the time.  I scream and cry for no fuckin' reason at all, and never want to go outside because it's cold damnit, and I hate the cold.  I hate the snow.  I hate the winter.  I hate it because it makes me verge on suicidal every single year.

I've had lots of people say very cheery things like, "Well you can't change the weather, so you might as well enjoy it!"  or,  "It's Canada in January, what did you expect??"  You know what... I expect it to be cold and snowy.  But what they don't understand and never will is that this weather, combined with long dark hours, little sunlight and NO colour actually makes me insane.  I don't just dislike tobogganing and ice skating or skiing... I don't ever want to SEE those things... because they remind me of the season which tries to get me to kill myself every year.

So, for you folks who love the winter and get all excited when it snows, great... I'm thrilled you don't want to hibernate like me... because it's miserable.  But it's not something I have control over, okay?


Now, with all of that ugliness off my chest, I decided that I needed colour in my house... our decor is black and white photography of isolated beaches and wintery trees (how did I let that even happen??), black furniture, beige walls... all... sorta... dead.

I would buy potted plants weekly just to have the blooms etc. constantly... but I can't seem to keep potted plants alive, and cut flowers are ridiculously expensive for some reason, and they just die anyway... at least with a potted plant, there's hope.  But, it reached a point where my husband just said, Hun... enough with the plants.

Okay... I get it.  I ignore my houseplants in the winter months because I'm too moody and sad to cope with them.

So... I decided to make a fake tree.... a Dr. Seuss inspired artificial Truffula Tree!

This madness hit me one friday evening, and I frantically dug up every bright piece of yarn in the house and began making fat hand-sized pom poms.  It got a bit messy, but I was having fun... like, actual FUN while doing it!!

I wrapped the yarn around my palm repeatedly, then slipped the whole mess off and tied it around the middle and snipped the loops.  Easy peasy.  Then I trimmed each one to a nice round shape... this made the most glorious mess on the coffee table and spread a bit to the floor (which made the hubs panic a little, but I promised to vacuum in the morning).

By the end of the night, I'd made 18 bright and exciting pom poms.  I just needed a tree to which I could attach them!!  That would have to wait for morning, or a less snowy day.  Actually, as it turned out, I sent my 18 yr old neighbour on an expedition for the perfect Truffula Tree stump.  She brought me a lovely one, but it's still outside, waiting to be trimmed and potted....

So, my pom poms sat around the house waiting... until my 4 yr old got a hold of them and decided to surprise Momma with her very own version of Truffula Decor!!

I caught her red-handed putting the pom poms onto our small holiday tree, and a couple into the Solstice candelabra.  She was upset that I caught her before she'd finished, but I was so pleased with her efforts I let her complete her project!

What a little doll I have.  She brightened my days in a way I never expected.  The big Truffula stump will likely become kindling because I'm going to leave my tiny Truffula the way Ziggy planned it.  At least until Spring when we'll decorate eggs to hang on the tree.

My sad has been lessened, and all it took was some tufts of bright yarn, a 4 yr old's imagination and creative eye, and a whole lot of hugs and kisses from my family.

Winter is almost over... I've stopped taking the medication that made me EXTRA crazy this year... and hopefully... one day... my hubs will apply for a job in the Caribbean.  Until then, I have my Truffula Tuft to remind me that there can be happy days in Winter.